✐ I am not from this world

Why think thus O men of piety
I have returned to sobriety
I am neither a Moslem nor a Hindu
I am not Christian, Zoroastrian, nor Jew

I am neither of the West nor the East
Not of the ocean, nor an earthly beast
I am neither a natural wonder
Nor from the stars yonder

Neither flesh of dust, nor wind inspire
Nor water in veins, nor made of fire
I am neither an earthly carpet, nor gems terrestrial
Nor am I confined to Creation, nor the Throne Celestial

Not of ancient promises, nor of future prophecy
Not of hellish anguish, nor of paradisic ecstasy
Neither the progeny of Adam, nor Eve
Nor of the world of heavenly make-believe

My place is the no-place
My image is without face
Neither of body nor the soul
I am of the Divine Whole.

I eliminated duality with joyous laughter
Saw the unity of here and the hereafter
Unity is what I sing, unity is what I speak
Unity is what I know, unity is what I seek

Intoxicated from the chalice of Love
I have lost both worlds below and above
Sole destiny that comes to me
Licentious mendicity

In my whole life, even if once
Forgot His name even per chance
For that hour spent, for such moment
I'd give my life, and thus repent

Beloved Master, Shams-e Tabrizi
In this world with Love I'm so drunk
The path of Love isn't easy
I am shipwrecked and must be sunk.

--  Jalal ad-Din Rumi - I am not from this world

✐ My busy subconscious mind during "sleep"

I've had a period now when my mind have been very busy during my sleep, processing past experiences, traumas, etc. I also have one dream that's recurrent and have been for almost 20 years now. I think it's connected with my 10 years abroad and what I experienced during those years. The settings in the dream can vary, but the emotions are always the same. 

The dream:
I'm in a foreign country and I want to go "home". I don't have any return ticket and no money. I want to pack my suitcase with all the things that I'm attached to, but the suitcase is always too small. Those nights when I get past these obstacles, new problems occurs. I'm trying to catch a flight, train or buss so I can travel home, but I always miss it. When I've managed to come "home" nothing is the same, everything has changed and I feel disappointed. There is so much anxiety, fear, anger, feeling lost, a feeling of not belonging anywhere or feeling homeless, in these dreams. Also some parts of the dream actually happened for real. I lived like a gypsy for 10 years and I did have some traumatic experiences during that period of my life.

So my subconscious mind have been processing these traumas for almost 20 years, but lately the dreams have become more intense and I have them almost every night.

Last night I had the dream, but just before waking up I felt so fed up with it, so I decided to walk away. Now I was in the hypnopompic state and the dream became very vivid. All of a sudden I was inside of a computer game where you have to fight to reach the next level. I felt so disappointed. When I walked away I was hoping for some peace, but now I was on a new level, standing on a platform with a big device with many buttons on it, in front of me. I felt stuck and frustrated over the fact that I had to keep on "fighting", the game wasn't over yet, I had only reached a new level. And the buttons on the device represents choices, what button should I press now...?

Still lost...

Fed up...

Want it to end now!!!

✐ Update on my toothache

I promised an update about my toothache in the post from March 6, Toothache. Well what to say... the pain on the right side is gone. Now I have the exact same pain, same tooth but on the left side. *big sigh*  I'm so fed up with this and I don't have the energy to write about the theories why this is. Also the 6th of April is my mothers birthday, if she hadn't passed away from a heartattack 1990, at age 56...

I found another "Dental Video" in F-Divas collection that I'm listening to now Dental foci, Dental infection, Toothache, etc (Isochronic Tones 47,5 Hz) Pure Series

I'm aware of that my damaged teeth won't be fixed, or that new teeth will be growing, by listening to isochronic tones. At some point I'm going to have to go to the dentist, but as I wrote earlier, dental work in Sweden is very expensive, specially the dental work I need. I just need something that may help me cope with the pain. I still don't have the money to pay a dentist.

Sweden is a great country to live in *ironi*. Health insurance for the rest of the body, but not for anything that concern the mouth, teeth, gums and jawbone, even though it's attached to the rest of the body and share the same bloodstream.

And yes, I am aware of that people in other countries may suffer worse than I, (spoiled western brat). I don't live in a warzone, I'm not forced to flee to a refugee camp. I have a roof over my head, I can buy food, talk about food, sorry but I can't eat any solid foods because of my dental problems. I've already lost a lot of weight, if this is going to keep on, I'll soon be starved and malnutrioned, as other people born and living in less fortunate countries and circumstances. But still my pain feels real and it hurts like hell. All is relative, I guess.

I'm so fed up and tired.