Sunday, April 7, 2013

✐ My busy subconscious mind during "sleep"

I've had a period now when my mind have been very busy during my sleep, processing past experiences, traumas, etc. I also have one dream that's recurrent and have been for almost 20 years now. I think it's connected with my 10 years abroad and what I experienced during those years. The settings in the dream can vary, but the emotions are always the same. 

The dream:
I'm in a foreign country and I want to go "home". I don't have any return ticket and no money. I want to pack my suitcase with all the things that I'm attached to, but the suitcase is always too small. Those nights when I get past these obstacles, new problems occurs. I'm trying to catch a flight, train or buss so I can travel home, but I always miss it. When I've managed to come "home" nothing is the same, everything has changed and I feel disappointed. There is so much anxiety, fear, anger, feeling lost, a feeling of not belonging anywhere or feeling homeless, in these dreams. Also some parts of the dream actually happened for real. I lived like a gypsy for 10 years and I did have some traumatic experiences during that period of my life.

So my subconscious mind have been processing these traumas for almost 20 years, but lately the dreams have become more intense and I have them almost every night.

Last night I had the dream, but just before waking up I felt so fed up with it, so I decided to walk away. Now I was in the hypnopompic state and the dream became very vivid. All of a sudden I was inside of a computer game where you have to fight to reach the next level. I felt so disappointed. When I walked away I was hoping for some peace, but now I was on a new level, standing on a platform with a big device with many buttons on it, in front of me. I felt stuck and frustrated over the fact that I had to keep on "fighting", the game wasn't over yet, I had only reached a new level. And the buttons on the device represents choices, what button should I press now...?

Still lost...

Fed up...

Want it to end now!!!

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