Friday, August 29, 2014

✐ Living with a chronic "Severe Depression"

I'm extremely self destructive at the moment. What to say, but I think there should be legal clinics for assisted suicide, I mean you're allowed to change gender in some western counties, so why aren't there clinics for assisted suicide...??! They could be set up similar to gender change, but with an age limit, 55+, and then after 1 year in psychotherapy. After that time, if you still want to end you're life,there should be a clinic for us that want's to end our lifes in a "proper" way. I mean how fun is it to find a loved one or a realtive, that hanged him/her self, or threw themselves in front of a train, etc, etc.

Update January 2 - 2015
I took a quiz, my score was 71.
"Based upon your responses to this depression quiz, you appear to be suffering from a severe depression. People who have answered similarly to you typically qualify for a diagnosis of major depression and have sought professional treatment for this disorder."
Source: http://psychcentral.com/depquiz.htm
I'm not surprised, I have had several episodes of depression since I was 14 years old. I don't have episodes of depression anymore, I'm depressed all the time now and it gets worse for every year.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

✐ Woke up with this song in my head, 3 AM this morning

So my first post, this year 2014, I haven't had the energy to write anything. My chronic depression took a deep dive just before Christmas, didn't celebrate any of the "big" days, I slept through all the fireworks on New Years Eve. I also had an excrutiating toothache during the Christmas week, then when I finally was weened off the "over the counter painkillers", I got a cold, so back on the painkillers again...

So apart from some physical issues, my thoughts and mind have been buried in the darkness of the ocean bottom, reflecting over the future of my own (toothless) life as well of what's happening in the world. I only see the beginning of a dark world, it will get darker. All the conflicts in the world, people suffering, in Syria, Afganistan,the Philippines, parts of Africa, etc... The rich getting richer, and the poor... Mother Earth getting raped...

And all the hate growing in Europe, this year we have election to the EU parlament and so many 'far right wing parties', nazis, racists are more then ready to grab some of those seats. One of them, the greek party, The Golden Dawn, of course they're dependent on the Greek peoples votes, but my guess is that they will get enough votes to make it into the European parlament. I can understand why, the people in Greece have had to pay a high price for what incompenent and corrupt politicians have done to the country. Then we have Hungary, France, etc... so many unhappy European citizens.

Fuck politicians, they make laws and agreements, that may look good on paper, but they forget that there are millions of human beings that gets affected, who struggle to make ends meet. Politicians the new elit or "nobles" who sits on their high thrones in Brussels making decisions over our heads. The Europen Union was thought to be a garanti for "peace", I think it will be the opposite. I'm not "right" or "left" or in the middle, I'm human, there is no political party for me.

Almost forgot, we have election in Sweden as well, the last political poll showed that the racist party 'Sweden Democrats' was the third largets party....  go figure.

And then the surveillance states, including Sweden's FRA, USA's NSA and whatever the name is of UK's national security service... and who knows how many other countries participates in this shady business. I did get too involved in that shit last year, wrote blog posts, tweeted, G-plussed, made playlists on YouTube, etc. I'm not anymore, made me too depressed. Good thing though, the televised Swedish news are reporting about it now. I'm not using my smartphone, (no apps), well I wasn't doing it before the Snowden documents either, but that was because it used too much battery and I don't need a "mini computer" to make phone calls, my 7 year old Nokia works fine.

So to the grand finale of this depressing and negative post, the video: