Tuesday, August 20, 2013

❤ Mamma ❤

Today it's exactly 23 years ago (1990) my mother passed away in her sleep from a heart attack. I was living on Maui, Hawaii when it happened, I got that phone call you never want to get. Talking to my crying father on the phone, telling me that he found her dead in her bed in the morning. That was a shock for me that I never really recovered from, there I was on the other side of the planet, trying to deal with the "news". I was in some sort of haze the first month, I have dreamlike memories of the first weeks, feels really weird when I think back. Something inside of me died when my mother passed away and that part is still dead. There was one life before and another one after her death. 

I had been living in the US for three years and after a trip to India I decided to spend the summer in Sweden before going back to the states (1989). So I did get time to spend with her for 3 months. There is one memory that's still haunting me, it was when I came to see her before leaving Sweden, when we said goodbye. We were both crying and we hugged each other for a long time, then she says: "This is the last time I will see you (please don't leave)". She was right, and part of me hate her for saying that, I'm a really sucker when it comes to guilt, but she was right...

The reason I'm writing about it today is because I'm exactly the same age as her now, when she died. For some reason my mind have been making a big deal about it...

Happy Death Day, Mom and Rest In Peace

Here's my favorite photo of my mom and I, long time ago

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